Ever felt like someone was judging you for the choices you’ve made? Or maybe you’ve even caught yourself hatin’ on someone for their choices…
Either way, I’ve notice that in the entrepreneurial space, there’s a whooooooole lot of judging going on.
So let’s dig in and find out why engaging in the judging game is detrimental to you and your business, how we can rise above it, and how we can use it for our own growth instead!
And of course, we wanna hear from you! Have you ever felt judged? Have a judging habit you need to curb? Get something useful you can implement in your own life? Leave a comment and let us know.
“Hi, I’m Kelley Sanabria, founder and CEO of Femworking, and along my entrepreneurial journey I’ve seen that there are all different types of entrepreneurs:
There are: mompreneurs, sidepreneurs, full-time entrepreneurs, hobbypreneurs, creativepreneurs, entrepreneurs who bootstrap their businesses and others who want to have investors.
What I’ve noticed across the board is a whooooooole lot of judging going on:
“Why doesn’t she want to raise capital?
“Why would she pitch her business to investors, everyone should just bootstrap and keep their equity…”
“Does she really think she can run a business working *ONLY” when her kids nap? What a joke.”
“I can’t believe she put her baby in childcare so she could work.”
“Why won’t she quit her full time job already? She’s never gonna grow if she stays in that job…”
“I can’t believe she quit her job – that’s so risky and her list is so small.”
“I can’t believe she took a bridge job. That’s so sad for her…”
“Oh my gosh, did you hear, she had to GO. BACK. TO. WORK. yeah, I know – I guess she’s gonna keep growing her company on the side. She should have just taken a bridge job!”
Ever heard anything like this? Ever felt insecure about being judged for any of these same things? I have!
So, let’s talk about this judging and what it means to you. Why does it matter that we do this? What difference does it make if we wanna judge or not?
Judging is totally natural. It’s a totally normal, human, knee-jerk reaction because we naturally compare ourselves to others, and when you see someone with more clients or a bigger email list, comparison-wise it makes you feel less-than. It makes you feel like you’re lower on the food chain, which can feel kinda shitty.
That’s when your ego steps in to save the day! Your ego, which is designed to protect you from pain, doesn’t want you to feel shitty. So judging is your brain’s way of knocking everyone else down a few pegs so you feel better about yourself, and thus no longer shitty.
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Sidebar: (Your ego was formed in childhood to protect you from emotions because you weren’t grown up enough to process them. But now, you’re a grown ass woman and that ego, left over from childhood, is still in your brain, and judging is still a habit.)
Sometimes you’ll see – with those really successful entrepreneurs we all love, the Marie Forleos, the GabbyBs, the Danielle Laporte’s of the world – sometimes you’ll hear people respond with a “who does she think she is?” or “I could do that – why is SHE that big?” which is TOXIC, right? It’s not GOOD for us –
because when we’re focusing on those other people, we’re not focusing on ourselves. Do you think it’s possible for someone to attract what the Marie Forleo’s of the world have if they’re engaging in that judging behavior? Probably not, amiright?
So, like I said – this is totally normal behavior. It’s natural, instinctual even.
BUT – I believe that we are evolved enough that we can make a choice NOT to judge. We can start to be the watcher of our minds and make a shift in our behavior. So I have 2 things to help you start to make a shift…
Notice Your Judgements
A really good technique for this is just to start noticing when you hear yourself go into judgement. And don’t chastise yourself for it – just go,
“hmmm, I was just judging them…”
– “I wonder why I was just judging them…?” The great thing about this is that it allows you to learn so much about yourself. When I catch myself feeling some typa way towards someone I’ll go, “okay I’m judging this person or hating on this person. Why am I feeling this way? What specifically is bothering me?
Now what does the fact that bothers me say about me?
So really keep digging to get down to the root of the problem. -and you’ll learn so much about yourself.
Don’t have to let the primal brain rule.
Everyone Has Different Values
Another thing to keep in mind is this idea of values. Everyone values different things, and at different times.
And these things are always shifting and changing.
Here’s an example:
When I started Femworking 3.5 years ago, I had a 7 month old baby girl. She was all I cared about.
My metric for success was time spent with her. And as I raised her and brought my son into the world, my primary value in life – and the metric by which I judged my success, was how much time I spent with them.
I’m sure there were people who looked at me and thought, “why doesn’t she do more with her business?” Just as on the other end of the spectrum there were probably people who said, “wow, how is she doing all of this with 2 little kids?”
Now though, that’s starting to shift for me, I’m starting to move into a place where I value my littles going off to school and DIGGING into my business and my own personal development. I’m starting to value having time for myself. So my values are shifting.
So everyone that you come across in life has different values. Every entrepreneur has different values. Every woman has different values.
We tend to apply our values to other people, project our values onto them.
But instead, when you look at people’s words and actions, don’t judge them with a negative or a positive connotation, ask questions to find out why they are making their choices and use it to build a bridge with them. Being inquisitive can help you discover their values.
So in conclusion: spending your time judging and being negative means you’re taking away from your time to be positive and truly grow yourself as a person and to grow your business. AND if you let yourself judge willy-nilly, you’re missing out on an incredible opportunity to dig in and learn about yourself.
Can we be big enough in who we are, secure enough in ourselves, that we choose to accept others choices and values without judging them… can we love each other enough to wholeheartedly support our sisters, to want them to grow.
I think we can, it’s something that I’ve been really trying to learn about and implement in my own life. I think there’s an awakening in consciousness and love happening in the world, and I think that this tribe, this Femworking family, is going to be a part of that. So whether you’re a paying Femworking member or you just follow us on social media, or our newsletter, I just want to welcome you into this movement. This movement of being incredible entrepreneurs, of choosing to mind our own minds, and choosing to use that instinct to judge, hitting pause on it so we don’t spew negative energy into the world, and using it to learn about ourselves and what that knee jerk judgment means about US and our fears.
I want to hear from you on this: Do you catch yourself judging others? How will this post help you going forward?
And of course we hope that you’ll share this with your friends and colleagues who would vibe with it. So comment on the blog, hit share, thanks for watching, and we’ll see ya soon.”